i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
