I'm sorry my penis didn't work
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
