yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
