to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pants are for mortals
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
