He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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