I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
