Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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