we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
