Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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