Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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