Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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