at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
