Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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