I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
