I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
