uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
