Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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