he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
