so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
