Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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