What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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