if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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