Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
