It's like God shit irony all over that family
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
