Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
