he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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