So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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