I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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