he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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