a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
