of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
