How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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