Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
