There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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