I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
