Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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