At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
