P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
