We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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