It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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