Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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