Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
