I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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