Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
