loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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