i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
