legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
