I am midnight drunk by noon
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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