she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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