I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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