We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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