can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
