sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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