he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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