im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
