Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
