After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
