Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
