yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
