I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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