I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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