fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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