You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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