Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
