He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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